Archive for the ‘ Everything ’ Category

The Difference

Here are two statements, one about an artist, and another about a technician:

1. A technician is someone who specializes in making things that already exist — things that come from nature, or from culture, and need to be either reproduced or reshaped.

2. An artist is someone who specializes in making new things — things that wouldn’t exist otherwise.

Most artists spend a lot of their time acting like technicians, and it’s entirely possible for a technician to make art, but the difference is that the one is about creation irrespective of need, and the other about shaping what’s already created to meet some need.


Handy Man

Guy travels around looking for yard work.

Today is the second time he’s come by here. The first was a couple of years ago, when he claimed that he had done work on this house before. Said he couldn’t remember any names, but that he was looking for “some old lady”. She was nice, and he wanted to talk to her. He pointed out to me how he had trimmed back the pine tree in front of the garage for her years ago.

As politely as I could I told him that whoever that was didn’t live hear anymore. That I lived here now, and did that kind of work myself. He seemed confused, and kept asking to speak to that old lady. I was trying to get my dog to quit barking while the guy was talking at me. Usually people hear the dog and I never see them again.

At my door just now, he’s got the same crumpled up fliers in his hand, going on about how he can help me out with the mulberry bush at the head of the driveway. I don’t catch everything he says because as I open the door my dog is, again, going crazy, but I see him pull out a pack of cigarettes as he speaks.

I tell him, again, that I’m not looking for any help.

Without another word, and without looking at me he slowly turns, lights his long tan cigarette, and walks down my driveway. He doesn’t look back.

He picks up a gray backpack at the base of the driveway, and heads east on my street — all at the same careful pace.

Sure Thing

Hey, guy!

I like to imagine that all the times that I’ve agreed with someone that we would never tell anyone else about something that we just did, and then that person told someone else anyway, that they all, to the individual, thought that it was better to lie to me than hurt my feelings.

Chasing Coyote

I’m eating here, buddy…

I was just doing some work in my front yard, when a coyote ran by.

The thing was going full speed, and took a hard Ralph two or three doors down. It took me a minute to recover, but I figured I better follow it.

I walked down to the intersection, didn’t see anything, and decided to go around the block.

Nothing. Not only nothing, but the people outside were definitely not acting like they had just seen a coyote tear-assing through our suburban neighborhood. This was the case in both directions. There seemed to be three possibilities:

1. It was a shape-shifter.

2. It was an hallucination/spirit.

3. It was still trapped in my neighbor’s yard.

The more I thought about it, the more I became afraid that number three was the most likely.

On the way back, I met up with my neighbors coming back from walking their tiny dog. They immediately ask if I’ve seen it. I immediately proceed to tell them how relieved I am to not be hallucinating. They continued home quickly.

Wicked Skills


The thing about this is that, believing myself to be a writer, I’m at a loss for words regarding precisely why this song, and video have affected my life in the way that they have.

I can talk about Primus in general. I can say things like:

1. When Primus went ‘dark’ for their third album Pork Soda they created the genre of Dark Funk Metal. We have Primus to thank for the likes of Corn. (My Name Is Mud – the silly story lyrics and silly voice effects + man singing like an enraged teenage girl about, I don’t know, something sad… maybe? = every Corn song. )

2. At the time those of us in the know knew that Tales From The Punch Bowl was the best Primus album. This is still true today.

3. I don’t know why Mr. Claypool decided to take his band in the ‘dark’ direction, though I do know that it certainly helped their sound. It helped them figure out the right rhythms for the Primus sound.

4. It must feel awful looking so much like Weird Al and trying so hard to look like John Lennon.

5. The best Primus song is Over The Electric Grapevine.

The exuberance is definitely part of the formula — I still think quite fondly about those guys in those suits.

It also helps that the nonsensical story is both animated and captioned — I still know all the words.

I think perhaps this song reminds me of a time in my life, a time when I had so little going on that I could be fulfilled, however briefly, by silly stories with good bass lines.

Also, I don’t agree with either of these statements:

Wicked Skills

Update – 10/12/12:

I forgot to mention that I think the song in the video is about VD.

That being said I don’t entirely understand the Taco Bell reference in the song, and have to admit that it significantly contributed to me feeling OK about eating at Taco Bell at the time. Eating at Taco Bell was funny. They should worry about that wearing off, as it did with me.

Maybe there’s a different explanation than that Les sold ad space in the song. Track 10 on Punch Bowl also mentions Taco Bell with an implication that being seen at Jack In The Box is more important than eating there.

Hopefully it’s just part of the the zaniness of Primus though I do love a good conspiracy.

The Different Spicys

Only part of the picture.

I have categorized the different types of spicy for you:

1. curry/pepper – peaks, and is maintained with ingestion; lingering effects on tongue, and inside mouth; will literally make you sweat

2. garlic/ginger – builds slowly with ingestion; lingering effects on tongue, and inside mouth

3. wasabi/horseradish – taken in doses; produces an intense effect immediately after ingestion; felt in the back of the face

Your tongue, and face can quickly recover from moderate amounts of these substances. Each comes with an accompanying chemical release in the brain.

For all you poisoners out there:

Black pepper affects me the worst of any spicy food. It’s obviously good in everyday situations but too much of it makes me feel sick in the stomach, and like I’m going insane.

Touché Twitter

This is my wife.

This is my wife.

I see that you are trying to make a point.

You’re a dick for that.